Stories never told( emotion in defeat)

No matter the level, there is heartbreak in defeat. A question of work and worth especially in a sport and world we we line up and are under constant comparison.

Did I work hard or smart enough, I’m in the right event?, what did I eat the day before, Am I good enough, why am I doing this in the first place? The array of question that try to get you to remain in agony of the defeat can become so large a weight it becomes to much to bare.

Question yourself, coaches, support, your faith. I’m at that place even now.

I know enough to look at my stats to see I performed better than how I feel. But we all have moments when logic just doesn’t override emotion. The feeling in the depths of your heart knowing you have so much more to offer. Than what was seen in the meet is but a mere portion of who or what your capable of.. And that stings.

For me running is worship. It’s my purist expression of gratitude, joy, passion, grace and love. It’s my chance to sing, a song from my heart. But when I crack up and miss the note… I hurt. I feel like I’ve disappointed and let down things and people greater than myself, cause I don’t do it just for me.

If I can have any effect on the sport it would be to use it as a platform to inspire others to dream, and achieve. To see greater then their current conditions and elevate their mindset to wanting and capturing more.

Strangely enough, it’s want I need the most right now.

I’m was very hesitant to write or share anything. But others need to know that no it won’t be easy. You won’t always win. But you can fail your way to success. You will rise, your time will come, and even in defeat your still worthy and capable.

My lesson in this is about timing and trust. I have to control what I can and trust the rest. Trust in the process, my team, my God.

I don’t know how this story will end. All I know is if I stop now, there’s nothing else to this tale. It’s far from over. So just because I’ve been losing doesn’t mean I’ve lost. Plus its all based on perspective, which can leave you a prisoner or set you free.

What I am is grateful; battles fought, lessons learned, a sub chapter is over and a new season is underway.

Mk Thomas

Mar 22nd, 2016